After living with a cat for 6 months somewhat against my will (package deal), I can now say that I honestly hate cats, in fact I hate the very essence of cats. I’ve been monitoring them carefully and even though they might look cute and even cuddly, they are mean spirited, craving beings! The only time cats are bearable are when they want something they can’t get themselves. Impress me by operating the can opener your damn self, Mr. Whiskers! I am generally an animal person and I do great with for instance dogs, but I’ve had it with cats.

I have done my very best to be kind to this cat, but she absolutely hates my guts! I guess that she knows that deep down I am evaluating the entire species, based on her performance and she’s entering a whole new level of mischief! My girlfriend, the beloved owner, can wear a white cotton sweater and play with the damn fur ball for half an hour, without getting a single cat hair on her. If I stroke the beast for two minutes, the cat will purposely leave almost bald, meowing with a snooty mixture of disrespect and impudence. There are so many cat hairs stuck in my PC’s cooling system now, that it will out-burn the flames of hell if it somehow catches fire.

Dogs will genuinely love you if you treat them right; smart dogs will even improve quality of life around you. A dog can protect you, help you, play with you (not necessarily the other way around) and grieve with you. All cats can do is turning tuna pâté into ill-smelling lumps of Satan and absorb vast quantities of sunlight – oh and fill every dimension of you life with devilish cat hairs.

Last day she was playing in the office next to me for a long time, until she suddenly took a dump on the floor next to me and left the damn room. She would have been a permanent part of the Baltimore sewer system, had her pretty little head been able to pass though the toilet water trap. It doesn’t fit, I tried it; even flushed four times!

Whatever cats had going with me is now gone, and now I have a wet cat in my house that hates me with the fires of a thousand suns. The feeling is mutual and the battle is ongoing.

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